An Ode to Dads
Happy Father’s Day to everyone who is a dad, has a great dad, had a great dad, had someone who stepped in to be a dad, stepped in to BE a dad, or made a great life for yourself without one. Dad’s are sorta important. Either having or not having one. I think we underestimate how hard it is to be a parent. Having raised and grown up alongside two children of my own (and no matter how old you are when you have children, you do actually grow up alongside them), and now being back-up for my daughter and her husband as they do the same with their two, I can say…whole heartedly…parenting is hard.
It’s also brings me the most joy in my life.
But it’s hard.
Even as a parent of adult children. You just want them to not struggle, even though you know that sometimes struggle is not only necessary, but needed. Who are we without the struggles we’ve overcome? But man. It’s hard to not try to fix everything, isn’t it?
Raising self reliant, self confident children in an age of social media, easy access to narcotics, rising crime, political turmoil, etc is scary. But all of those things have been true since the beginning of time. Ok. Maybe not social media and maybe not narcotics per se, but bullying, bad influences, and substance misuse definitely. And somehow, we still see generation after generation of innovators, philanthropists, leaders, moral giants, teachers, artists, social engineers…somehow we prevail, and parents figure out how to navigate their children through every new iteration of life on the planet as it comes.
I count myself lucky to have had the best dad to ever grace this planet. I won the lottery on that one. What made him so great? He loved my sister and I and our mom, no matter what. He taught us to have a conscience. To believe in ourselves. To believe in other people. To believe in the greater good. That it’s not enough to exist, that we’re here in part to make a difference, somehow. To be kind. He would, over the years of our lives, say something to my sister and I like we were the smartest and most beautiful and most talented girls that ever lived, and he would say it in such an off handed innocuous way…like….you know….it was just a fact. He held firm on the lines and boundaries he drew for us. He lead by example.
He’s a tough act to follow, in the parenting department.
Truth is, we all come to parenting from different experiences, with no instruction book, and no matter how proficient we may be in the end, we all think we’ve done kind of a crap job at it. lol! Even now, with two really well-adjusted happy adult children who survived my parenting (so I couldn’t have been total crap at it, right?), my daughter turns to me for advice with her two and sometimes I’m just like…I dunno. We just have to figure it out as we go, huh?
What I do know is that love covers a lot of missteps, as does communication. And studying how kids work (their brains are crazy, ya’ll!). And asking for help. And gathering a village, because it really does take one sometimes.
I hope you enjoy this day of celebrating fathers. If you raised yourself (and some folks do), give yourself some grace today for doing the best you could. Go on with your bad self! If you’re a mom who had to fill in for a missing dad, or a dad who’s had to fill in for a missing mom, give yourself a nod of acknowledgement for taking on both roles. If you’re spending time with your dad today, let him know you understand how hard it must have been to figure out the whole parenting thing, and give him a little grace for small missteps. If you’ve lost your dad and grieve that loss, spend some reflective time today, wrapped in the knowledge that here you are now, knowing that he was part of this journey. If your experience has been absentia a dad (whether by your choice or his), let the people in your life who’ve supported you know that you appreciate them. And if you are a dad, we celebrate you today. My wish is that you’re doing your best to raise children (even if they’re grown now) who understand their worth and have as many tools as possible to be kind, loving, and responsible, not just to others, but also to themselves.
Coffee mugs up folks!
