Are You Open to Feedback?

This is the question I ask my employees, my family, my beloved friends, my mentees, my everyone before I offer feedback. Some people may call it advice, others criticism, but I think it’s important to call it what it is so that it’s received in the spirit I intend to give it…it’s just feedback. Take it or leave it. But if someone isn’t open to receiving it, I’m wasting my time and sometimes endangering a relationship.

So I ask the question. And if the answer is yes (it almost always is), I offer my observations in the spirit of assistance and always with sincerity and love. If the answer is no, I just say, “Let me know when you are, because I think I can offer some observations that will be helpful to you.”

It’s a great way to kick off meaningful conversations. As a supervisor, it’s a much more effective way to get my team where they need to be than if I use top-down authoritarian methods like, “Do this cuz I said so.” For anyone reading this who loves their top-down authoritarian management style, give it a try and see if your results don’t improve (along with your relationships). Often, my ‘feedback’ is in the form of questions. Like, “Ok great. Well, I’ve noticed that you’re struggling with a bottleneck of people coming in after lunch in the East building. I’m not sure if that’s a scheduling issue or an operational issue. What are your thoughts?” Whichever one it is, the employee is responsible for scheduling and for liaising with operational staff, so either way, the bottleneck lies squarely in their wheelhouse, and it’s not working. I could have come at it like, “Hey look. You can see there’s a problem with your scheduling after lunch in the East building, so I need you to figure that out by tomorrow.” Maybe the problem would get fixed that way, and maybe not. Maybe the person doesn’t know how to fix it. Maybe he doesn’t see it as a problem. Maybe he’s getting a lot of push-back that he’s not in a formal position to stand up to. There’s a plethora of information and insight that I won’t get by barking out an order, and without that knowledge, it’s most likely that I’ll keep seeing similar issues because I haven’t done anything to coach up my team. Asking if someone is open to feedback and then giving it in a way that’s helpful and supportive is a key tool in your leadership tool kit.

So, are YOU open to feedback? Giving feedback is sometimes easier than receiving it. How do you receive it, and how do you ask for it? DO you ask for it? Great leaders (aka great people) ask for feedback from their boss, employees, family, beloved friends, mentees, mentors, their everyones. But how do you ask in a way that gets results you can use and not a pat answer that makes you feel good?

Here’s a great way to ask for feedback that I learned from one of my mentors, the fabulous Debbie Emery:

I met with my direct-reports in one-on-one meetings every month. At the end of every meeting, I asked, “How am I doing?” The answers were the same, “You’re doing great.” Debbie taught me to be very specific about feedback I need. What were they going to say? “Well boss, you’re stinking it up.” ??? So on my constraint list (the aspects of my leadership I really wanted to work on), I would pick something to concentrate on for a period of time, then at the end of my one-on-one meetings, I would ask each direct-report to tell me how I was doing on that specific thing. Example: I was really working on not interrupting people when they talk. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful or dismissive, I just wasn’t waiting my turn. It may have been pointed out to me a couple of times, you see, in polite ways or by facial expressions once I became aware. So it was something I was actively working on. I asked each direct-report, “I’m really working on not interrupting people when they talk. On a scale of 1-5, 1 being I stink and 5 being I’ve knocked it outta the park, over the past month, how would you say I’m doing?” This is a real-life example. Every one of them said I was a 2 or a 3. Which I took as an epic failure.

Here’s another key component of receiving feedback that Debbie taught me: just say thank you. Don’t explain yourself or try to excuse yourself. Just say, “Thanks for that feedback.” Then follow up with, “How can I get to a 5?”

Every one of my team members gave me examples of how, over the past month, I had interrupted one specific employee numerous times in meetings. I was horrified! Not only was I epically failing at my goal, but it looked like I was targeting one person! I immediately wound my way to his cubicle, told him what was going on, and apologized. In a room that was a sea of cubicles, everyone around heard that apology, and it didn’t really matter, because when I turned to leave, I saw my whole team lurking behind me like ducklings to see what was going down. He accepted my apology, and then we had a discussion about why I was doing what I was doing, which in all honesty was because his ideas and insights in meetings excited me more than any others, and I was jumping in, not to correct him or shut him down, but to add my own. We had a great conversation about the things he had offered up in the past month, and soon the whole leadership team was dragging up chairs around his space, and we were off and running. I did ask him, though, to politely call my attention to any unwelcome interruptions by me in the future. We agreed on a polite, short phrase that would check me, and we moved forward that way.

Receiving and using feedback to grow is powerful, my friends. It’s a huge tool in that tool kit, not just as a boss, but as a leader in life.

If you’re interested in a more in-depth discussion about feedback as a leadership tool, or if you’d like to have your whole team add valuable tools to your leadership tool kit, contact us and let’s chat!

Enjoy your morning coffee (or favorite beverage if for some really super weird reason you don’t drink coffee. I forgive you)!